Therapists are not wizards

Covid-19 has taught all of us no one is immune to psychological distress — we just normally encounter extreme challenges at different points in time. If our collective lives can be turned upside down in a matter of hours, it follows that the same is true for each and every one of us as individuals.

Regular psychotherapy can help you through a major life crisis; but regular psychotherapy established prior to major life crisis may actually buffer you from what could be the crushing impact of inevitable crises. Maintenance visits with a psychologist or licensed mental health professional give one the opportunity to gradually fine-tune habits of thought and behavior when there are no major problems overwhelming one’s capacity for effortful action.

Just as regular checkups are crucial in the prevention and early identification of medical health problems, so is the same for mental and behavioral health problems.

The issues that drive people to seek professional help are always the result of an inextricable cascade of interactive dynamic forces across people and their environments; recognizing a maladaptive pattern of development before it is near impossible to reverse can literally be a life saver.

But many people have misconceptions about psychotherapy. Some think it is reserved for only the most severe pathologies, contributing to the longstanding stigma associated with it. Why the stigma, you ask? Historically, those with mental illness were falsely perceived as dangerous, thus, anyone needing therapy was seen as a social leper to be avoided. Unfortunately, old stigmas die hard.

Others think therapy is altogether bogus — why share your problems with a stranger when you can just reach out to family and friends for advice or read some stranger’s blog based on his or her life experience that has absolutely no bearing on what you are going through?

Psychotherapists are licensed by state government regulatory boards, who review the training, education, and experience of each professional to minimize harm to the public. Therapists have their instincts of “advice giving” taught out of them as they spend thousands of supervised hours with clients, honing the craft of standard treatment practices, effectively undergoing professional ‘Resistinct’ or override of instinct.

Therapists are also bound by ethical standards, including avoidance of dual relationships, which means they are intentionally not your neighbor, friend, or family member. And they could write books based on the amount of information they must accommodate through continuing education credits they are required to acquire.

It would be easy to confuse a therapist for a wizard.

Even those who do understand the benefits of psychotherapy often forego it due to lack of time; but imagine how much less time you will have in the midst of a crisis. Don’t anticipate a crisis? Have you heard about the global pandemic?

To quote Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle, a well known 17th century French philosopher (and our ancestral namesake): ”Hardly anyone knows what is gained by ignoring the future”.

Parents and children in particular stand to benefit from the protective benefits of maintenance psychotherapy. The parent-child partnership is fueled by a natural power struggle that ensues as children grow increasingly independent, fighting their parents for control; parents do what they think is best to protect their children, which often conflicts with their desire for autonomy. This often leads to inappropriate imbalances of power between the parent and the child. Regular visits with a mental health professional can help family members learn effective communication and coping skills early before typical parent-child struggles lead to escalating conflict.

Such care not only improves the quality of life for parents and kids, but also helps them build rapport with someone who has the knowledge, skills, and license to offer support when things get really hard. Many people, particularly children and teens, find it difficult to speak with someone they’ve never met about personal life experiences – that difficulty is exacerbated when the individual is going through a majorly stressful life experience. Even under normal circumstances it can take several meetings before one feels comfortable sharing in a way that enables a therapist to truly understand and offer meaningful guidance.

By starting therapy now, before major problems arise, you give yourself (and your children, if you have any) time to cultivate a functional, trusting relationship with a professional. This established rapport primes the client for quicker recovery should more intensive treatment be needed down the road. Therapeutic effect is much easier to achieve when the relationship with a therapist is already established.

But even more importantly, psychotherapy ‘check-ups’ are a process of inoculation that gradually improves psychological function in ways that potentially diminish or even prevent potential problems.

Yet, few people see the benefit of therapy check-ups, with most waiting until struggles become largely unmanageable. This can turn easily managed circumstances into severely stressful events that require more rigorous and long-term professional treatment. And waiting until there is an immediate need often leads to inadvertent roadblocks to improvement, such as when individuals are too stressed to implement the treatment plan at home, or do not see results fast enough to stick with the plan or the therapist.

Therapy is not a quick fix. Contrary to what one might think, therapists are not wizards.

But therapists could theoretically support wizards; and the right therapist can support you and your family, too. Finding a mental health professional who optimally challenges you on your best days can help you exercise higher functions of thought, action, and social relationship so that you are better prepared and supported to meet unexpected challenges head on.

That, or you can wait until that unexpected challenge arrives, putting your energy toward finding a therapist with immediate availability and hoping the one you book is the right person to help you mitigate your struggle.

Either way, you will (at some point) likely need to be intentional about your psychological growth, putting in time and effort, and the earlier you start the greater the returns.

Why not start now?